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“I’m Totally Cool With the Collapse of the Health Care System Because I Have a Jade Egg In My Vagina.” In Keep Scrolling Till You Feel Something: Twenty-One Years of Humor From McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2019). Print.


We Apologize That Instead of July Fourth Bunting, We Accidentally Shipped You a Box Full of Snakes.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2020). Online.

Other Animals That Are Definitely Going To Kill You in 2020.” The Belladonna Comedy (2020). Online.

Due To the Pandemic, Our Hook-Handed Killers Will Be Terrorizing Teens Remotely.” Points in Case (2020). Online.

Famous Paintings’ Tinder Profiles.” The Belladonna Comedy (2020). Online.

Goofus and Gallant In the Global Pandemic.” The Belladonna Comedy (2020). Online.

The Muppets Take Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2020). Online

Welcome to The Lure, a New Coworking Space For Women Who Are Sea Hags.” The Weekly Humorist (2020). Online.

I’m Glad the Government Is Protecting Our Most Vulnerable People: Chick-fil-A.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2019). Online.

Hamlet Hosts a Father’s Day Brunch.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2019). Online.

I Still Believe Every Child Is Precious. Also It Will Take Us Years To Find the Kids We Stole At the Border.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2019). Online.

This Is Embarrassing, But It Turns Out Our Fake Jewish Bagel Chain Was Funded By Nazis.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2019). Online.

FAQ: This MFA Workshop Has Been Replaced With a Glove Full of Bullet Ants.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2019). Online.

You’re Invited To Our Demonic Fetus’s Gender Reveal Party.” The New Yorker (2019).

Spooky Climate Change Stories.The New Yorker (2018). Online.

The Zombified Corpse of Vlad the Impaler Will No Longer Be Appearing At Our Literary Festival.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2018). Online.

The Donner Party On the Q Train.” The New Yorker (2018). Online.

I Believe Every Child Is Precious, Except For the Ones We’re Locking Up In Cages.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2018). Online.

As Senator, I Have No Choice But To Accept Donations From This Churning Vortex of Death That Ate Your Children.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2018). Online.

As White House Physician, I Certify This Bloated Pig Rectum Filled With Bees Is Fit To Be President.” The Belladonna Comedy (2018). Online.

Listen Up, Bitches: It’s Lysistrata Time!McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2017). Online.

A Mother’s Curse For Congress After It Let CHIP Funding For Nine Million Children Expire.McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2017). Online.

I’m Totally Cool With the Collapse of the Health Care System Because I Have a Jade Egg in My Vagina.McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2017). Online.

Official Bylaws of Girl Scouts MC Troop 55: Daughters of Hell Council.McSweeney’s Internet Tendency  (2015). Online.



What To Expect When You’re Becoming a Chimera.” Paper Darts (2018). Print.

There Are Songs That Only Echo in the Belly of the Sea.” SmokeLong Quarterly (2017). Online.

Salamander Season.Midwestern Gothic (2017). Print.

Shiva for Aunt Ruby.Anthropoid (2016). Online.



Comfort Pants Nation.Woolly (2017). Print/Online.

My Jewish Daughter Loves Jesus.” Kveller (2015). Online.



Smoke and Mirrors: An Interview with Rebecca Saltzman.” Interview by Kristen Arnett. SmokeLong Quarterly. (2017)


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Photo by Marti Saltzman

Rebecca Saltzman’s writing appears in The New Yorker, McSweeney’s, SmokeLong Quarterly, Paper Darts, and elsewhere. Her humor writing was included in the print anthology Keep Scrolling Till You Feel Something: Twenty-One Years of Humor From McSweeney’s Internet Tendency. She is the Fiction Editor of Washington Square Review and a coordinator of the Emerging Writers Reading Series at New York University.  An MFA candidate in fiction at NYU, Rebecca lives in New York and is currently at work on a novel. Follow her on Twitter @beccasaltz and on Instagram @flourcitygirl.

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