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“Mythological Tortures Less Excruciating Than Helping Your Middle Schooler With Their Homework.” In Embrace the Merciless Joy: The McSweeney’s Internet Tendency Guide to Rearing Small, Medium, and Large Children. McSweeney’s Books (forthcoming). Print.

“I’m Totally Cool With the Collapse of the Health Care System Because I Have a Jade Egg In My Vagina.” In Keep Scrolling Till You Feel Something: Twenty-One Years of Humor From McSweeney’s Internet Tendency. McSweeney’s Books (2019). Print.

Fiction and Humor

“Large Hairless Mammals.” The Missouri Review (2022). Print.

Don’t Tell Me the Lights Are Shining Any Place But There.” The Idaho Review (2022). Print/Online.

Scenes From The Candymansplainer.” With Juliana Gray. McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2022). Online.

Is Everyone Hanging Out in the Evil Global Cabal Without Me?” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2022). Online.

Trending Anxiety Dreams.” Liber Review (2022). Print/Online.

“Characters: They’re Just Like Us!” Liber Review (2022). Print.

It’s-a Me, Wario, Here To Explain That Governatore Cuomo Only Touched Those Women Because He’s-a Italiano!The Belladonna Comedy (2021). Online.

Caring For Your Geriatric Millennial.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2021). Online.

I’m All For Letting the Free Market Decide Things Unless It Decides To Stop Publishing Racist Children’s Books.McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2021). Online.

I Oppose the Democrat’s Plan to Lower Child Poverty. If Kids Want to Eat, They Should Work in Filthy Factories Like They Did In the Good Old Days.McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2021). Online.

Love Notes To My Pharmaceuticals.The Belladonna Comedy (2021). Online.

Thank You For Choosing Manger Health Systems For the Birth of Your Savior.McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2020). Online.

How To Cope With Your PTSD Flashbacks From Election Day 2016 On Election Day 2020.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2020). Online.

We Apologize That Instead of July Fourth Bunting, We Accidentally Shipped You a Box Full of Snakes.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2020). Online.

Other Animals That Are Definitely Going To Kill You in 2020.” The Belladonna Comedy (2020). Online.

Due To the Pandemic, Our Hook-Handed Killers Will Be Terrorizing Teens Remotely.” Points in Case (2020). Online.

Famous Paintings’ Tinder Profiles.” The Belladonna Comedy (2020). Online.

Goofus and Gallant In the Global Pandemic.” The Belladonna Comedy (2020). Online.

The Muppets Take Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2020). Online

Welcome to The Lure, a New Coworking Space For Women Who Are Sea Hags.” The Weekly Humorist (2020). Online.

I’m Glad the Government Is Protecting Our Most Vulnerable People: Chick-fil-A.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2019). Online.

Hamlet Hosts a Father’s Day Brunch.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2019). Online.

I Still Believe Every Child Is Precious. Also It Will Take Us Years To Find the Kids We Stole At the Border.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2019). Online.

This Is Embarrassing, But It Turns Out Our Fake Jewish Bagel Chain Was Funded By Nazis.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2019). Online.

FAQ: This MFA Workshop Has Been Replaced With a Glove Full of Bullet Ants.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2019). Online.

You’re Invited To Our Demonic Fetus’s Gender Reveal Party.” The New Yorker (2019).

Spooky Climate Change Stories.The New Yorker (2018). Online.

The Zombified Corpse of Vlad the Impaler Will No Longer Be Appearing At Our Literary Festival.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2018). Online.

The Donner Party On the Q Train.” The New Yorker (2018). Online.

I Believe Every Child Is Precious, Except For the Ones We’re Locking Up In Cages.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2018). Online.

As Senator, I Have No Choice But To Accept Donations From This Churning Vortex of Death That Ate Your Children.” McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2018). Online.

As White House Physician, I Certify This Bloated Pig Rectum Filled With Bees Is Fit To Be President.” The Belladonna Comedy (2018). Online.

What To Expect When You’re Becoming a Chimera.” Paper Darts (2018). Print.

Listen Up, Bitches: It’s Lysistrata Time!McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2017). Online.

A Mother’s Curse For Congress After It Let CHIP Funding For Nine Million Children Expire.McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2017). Online.

I’m Totally Cool With the Collapse of the Health Care System Because I Have a Jade Egg in My Vagina.McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (2017). Online.

There Are Songs That Only Echo in the Belly of the Sea.” SmokeLong Quarterly (2017). Online.

Salamander Season.Midwestern Gothic (2017). Print.

Shiva for Aunt Ruby.Anthropoid (2016). Online

Official Bylaws of Girl Scouts MC Troop 55: Daughters of Hell Council.McSweeney’s Internet Tendency  (2015). Online.

Essays and Reviews

“What is the Female Gaze? (Take 4).” Liber Review (2022). Print.

Covid Does Harm Children In the Short and Long Term.” Pittsburgh Tribune-Review (2022). Print/Online.

“Wandering the Desert: I Love You But I’ve Chosen Darkness by Claire Vaye Watkins.” Women’s Review of Books (2021). Print.

“Stepping Lightly: We Want What We Want by Alix Ohlin.” Women’s Review of Books (2021). Print.

“Pleasurably Stung: Walking on Cowrie Shells by Nana Nkweti.” Women’s Review of Books (2021). Print.

“WRB Gift Guide: Book Ideas for Corona-mas and Pandemukkah.” Women’s Review of Books (2020). Print.

“Schroedinger’s Author: My Favorite Girlfriend Was a French Bulldog by Legna Rodriguez Iglesias.” Women’s Review of Books (2020). Print.

“Human Supernova: Luster by Raven Leilani.” Women’s Review of Books (2020). Print.

Comfort Pants Nation.Woolly (2017). Print/Online.

My Jewish Daughter Loves Jesus.” Kveller (2015). Online.


An Interview with Rebecca Saltzman.” The Idaho Review (2022).

Smoke and Mirrors: An Interview with Rebecca Saltzman.” Interview by Kristen Arnett. SmokeLong Quarterly (2017).

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Rebecca Saltzman’s writing appears or is forthcoming in The New Yorker, McSweeney’s, The Missouri Review, and elsewhere. Her humor writing was included in the print anthology Keep Scrolling Till You Feel Something: Twenty-One Years of Humor From McSweeney’s Internet Tendency. Rebecca received her MFA in Creative Writing from New York University. She lives in Manhattan and is currently at work on a novel.


Follow her on Twitter @beccasaltz and on Instagram @flourcitygirl.


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